I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
