Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
