Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
