what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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