just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
