I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
