My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Sext me about skeletons
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
