I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My liver just had a heart attack.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
