the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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