he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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