Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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