We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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