well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
