after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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