Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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