what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
