When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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