so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
