I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
