i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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