Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
