I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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