I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
