I just made out with a guy for $7.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize