I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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