Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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