No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think I sprained my soul last night
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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