it wasn't lemon gatorade
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
