somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
