the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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