I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
