i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
