There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize