this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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