Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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