I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
