when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
