Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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