you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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