I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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