I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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