Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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