I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
