my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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