U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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