operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
