Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
