dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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