I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
