I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
