I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize