i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
