I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
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