I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
