Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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