My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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