im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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