I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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