I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No...this little piggys going to the bar
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
