is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
True strength comes from lack of pants
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
