For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
