I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
