respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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