Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Text me some of your sweat
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
