I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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