She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
