Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
