Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize