you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
