There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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