she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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