Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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