you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
