you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
