a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
