I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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