Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
