She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
