we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
