Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
