Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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