obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
