I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize