i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
