things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
