Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The uberlube is also flammable
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
