Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
