Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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