I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
