Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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