yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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