this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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