I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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