I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
