No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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