I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
