if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
