I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
