Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
