Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
