is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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